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[28 May 2008|11:41pm] |
His head was a city
Of paper buildings
And the echoes that remained
Of old friends and lovers
Their features bleeding
Together in his brain
And once it started was harder to
Tell them apart
He was always distracted
By the very mention
Of an open door
'Cause he had sworn not to be what he'd been before
To be a remain remain remain remainder
The television was snowing softly
As she hunted for her keys
She said she never envisioned him the type of person capable of such deceit
And they carried on like long division
And it was clear with every page
That they were further away from a solution that would play
Without a remain remain remain remainder.
i used to think that someone would come along
and lay beside me in the space that i thought they belong
but the other side of the mattress and box spring stayed like new
and whats the point of holding on to what never gets used.
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[14 May 2008|12:15am] |
I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics
cause I don't want you to know where I am
cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.
stop right there, that's exactly where I lost it
see that line, well I never should have crossed it
stop right there, well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
and who I am hates who I've been.
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| mail from my former self. |
[13 May 2008|10:12pm] |
Sara!
well damn it has been one hell of a ride. freshman year was so fun. let's review :)
-breaking up w/ Kim
-dating Robert (...what was I thinking again?)
-softball! meeting Rachael
-liking guys who won't like me back
-having falling outs but fixing them
-LA trip!
SO i am actually gonna do cross country sophomore year! i've been running this past week which has been really great. of course now that i'll be reading this as a senior i can look back on all those memories as well as ones from my other 3 high school years. don't cry :) =P
so i'm supposed to be asleep right now. in case i develop bad deductive skills in the next 3 years, this means i procrastinated once again! lol i wonder how well i kept my promise to stop procrastinating after freshmen year?
when i'm a senior i'll be able to look back and reflect beyond how my handwriting has changed and how different i look (bien o mal con no bangs? gotta <3 the spanish skills man...) to how i've changed inside: my personality and my friends. what guys i've gone out w/ and kissed. how far i've gone (what what?) or if i got drunk @ a party. quite honestly i don't know how that one will go. hopefully not.
and of course IB. which btw i WILL NOT drop out of or get less than a B in any classes! ^_^ i know freshmen year is just a taste of what it'll be like. but i'm ready bitch!
i wonder how many years of VBS counseling i'll be subjected to. or if i'll be a counselor at frontier ranch. i really hope i get a chance to do that.
i hope i can change how i react to things.
well i need to wrap this up. now i'm getting kinda sad. i wonder if by the time i get this letter i'll have gotten college acceptance letters back or taken IB tests. ah shit those will be hard.
right now i'm listening to The Best I Ever Had by Veritcal Horizon (who i heard live yesterday! Summerfest baby lol) and All is Fair in Love by Ben Folds. i wonder what i'll be into then.
i hope the rest of my school years were fucking awesome. i will embrace change and be ready to start a new chapter of my life- college.
i hope cross-country gets me in shape and look how i want to. i hope i'm even closer to my friends throughout high school. i hope my dad loses weight and gets healthy. i hope my mom is less stressed. i hope my sister has an awesome time at college.
i hope i'm happy.
love always and forever, Sara :)
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[24 Apr 2008|12:28am] |
I try to scrape it off, the thought of skin against skin
And move it from the front to back and started go again
But the depression and time breed and multiply
And I've got more mouths to feed than I could ever
Fit in this auto
You go have a good time
Bring back stories 'cause I will stay behind
So punch the clock, two months are up, and I am stuck down
Against the floor the heat rises out and leaves town
As the depression and time breed and multiply
'Til I've got more mouths to feed than I could ever
Fit in this auto
You go have a good time
Bring back stories 'cause I will stay behind
That's the story of a boy who tried to play it cool
But found it hard to keep it up when you were changing rules
With the depression and time breed and multiply
'Til I've got more mouths to feed than I could ever
Fit in this auto
You go have a good time
Bring back stories 'cause I will stay behind
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[11 Apr 2008|05:17pm] |
sweep it into the corner
or hide it under the bed
say these things they go away
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[09 Mar 2008|08:03pm] |
Destatei: but like i dunno...
Destatei: if its even sad really
Destatei: it just makes me think isn't that what we're supposed to do
Destatei: still care?
Destatei: or is it more human to just go from one thing to the other
Destatei: and i do sort of wonder what it was like for them and how they worked it out
Destatei: but for some reason
Destatei: i dunno, its like i've reached a point a while ago, where i kinda agreed that they must've not really cared for me as much as i cared for them.
Destatei: i don't know if i've given up
Destatei: i just know that it'd be nice for them to approach me for once
Destatei: and say they were wrong
Destatei: i've been tired for a long time, because i was the guy that always reached out whether i was wrong or not
Destatei: and i belittled myself by apologizing
Destatei: whether it was for me to apologize or not
Destatei: with the pretense that an apology always makes someones day
Destatei: regaurdless of whose fault it was
Destatei: in the end though, its always nice for closure
Destatei: not the stupid kinda of closure you try and put on yourself by running off to santa cruz, or by trying to sort yourself out, or stupid tihngs like that
Destatei: the real closure where they actually do something out of the ordinary instead of you accepting things.
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[09 Feb 2008|10:55am] |
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(if only i would wake)
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| I should know who I am by now. |
[07 Feb 2008|06:21pm] |
the walk has all been cleared by now
your voice is all I hear somehow
calling out winter
your voice is the splinter inside me
while I wait
but I don't have to make this mistake
and I don't have to stay this way
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[05 Feb 2008|11:13pm] |
I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
this is how I feel
and it's so surreal
I've got a closet filled up to the brim
with the ghosts of my past and their skeletons
and I don't know why
you'd even try
but I won't lie-
had my heart on lock-down
and then you turned me around.
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| don't worry lover, it's really bursting at the seams. |
[29 Jan 2008|11:34pm] |
when you try your best, but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse
high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try
you'll never know just what you're worth
tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes.
lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you
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[26 Jan 2008|12:11am] |
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when good times go bad.
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[31 Dec 2007|03:13pm] |
as I remember it, far far away
future shined as far as the eye could see
beneath the beautiful blue sky
we were just a little bit scared
the window is colored in a nostalgic color
if I face forward, will I see you again?
the future continues on forever
I want to see the changing of this era
beneath a huge billboard
I open up the window to
a place where I won't see anyone again
as I remember it, the far far away
future shined as far as the eye could see
beneath the beautiful blue sky
we slept forever
there was someone who I loved a long time ago
he's going to have a child in winter
sometimes I want to question
the things that I decided on a long time ago
I never could have forgotten them
put your picture in your New Year's cards
I reminisce fondly about
the things that we couldn't do
my fears, my lies
beneath the blue sky.
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[26 Dec 2007|12:05am] |
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if you signing off without saying anything so i didn't have a chance to talk was you trying to make a point, then yeah i'd say you made it pretty damn clear that you don't care.
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[25 Dec 2007|11:43pm] |
your "subtleties"
they strangle me.
And the one thing I desperately await is to be completely over you.
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[20 Dec 2007|07:14pm] |
Elliot: J.D.! It's not happening. Besides, if Sean and I are meant to be together, I never would have gone home with you that night and sabotaged everything that I had with him.
J.D.: You and I are gonna be okay, right?
Elliot: What do you think?
J.D.: Probably not...
J.D.: Elliot!
Elliot turns around.
J.D.: You let me know when we are.
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[16 Dec 2007|10:36pm] |
god knows we're better than anything that would try to separate us, even my idiot self...haha.
how come i feel like the idiot?
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[11 Dec 2007|11:57pm] |
and I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did
it's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is
well, it takes one to know one
kid, I think you've got it bad.
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[07 Dec 2007|05:36pm] |
making all the sense is everything I don't believe
i can't compete with this absence
my chest has found it hard to breathe
since you decided to leave.
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